看见 · 柬埔寨

——记柬埔寨支教之行

修行不是为了遇见佛，而是为了遇见自己。

记忆里的巴扬寺的微笑仿佛还在眼前。逝去的王朝，千年的石佛，黝黑的面庞，一个多月来对这片土地的印象最终凝聚在这宁静的高棉的微笑里。

Kâmpŭchéa，现在的翻译是柬埔寨Cambodia，可我依旧爱称呼她做“高棉”Khmer，一个美的令人倾心的名字。

在高棉，爱上了一群孩子，识得了各色萍水之交，静静地看见了许多人的生活百态。

在我的眼中，历史有大历史，也有小历史。史学的脉络让学生明白了怎样可以用一句话概括一个时代千千万万的经历着不同生活的男男女女的所有人生；旅游书则告诉了你如何用一个形容词说完一个国家从古到今有兴有衰无数个时代无数个人无数件事的无数种风貌。

一些没有什么用，又有点用的知识。

在这里，透过一双双眼睛，我看见了一个1999年才刚刚从国内动乱中恢复平静的国家，我看见了一个因为1970年代Red Rouge大屠杀而几乎没有老年人的市貌，刚从不夜城纽约回来的我看见了一座夜晚八点就大多陷入黑暗的城市。

义工们住的地方，不同语言、没有热水、每天早上六点集合去学校，但是生活却很有趣味。4岁到12岁，孩子们天性不一，有外向的，有内向的，有十分可爱的，有聪明极了的……一个多月的志愿服务无法做出多么伟大的贡献，但是我自己的鼓励式教学，学生闹矛盾时正直又不失温柔的处理，和带给他们的新奇的视野，或多或少种下了一些美好的种子。

纯净的简单的孩子的笑靥，让人莫名心怡。

除了工作日白天的义工工作，晚上和周末都是极丰富的时间。

在柬埔寨认识了天南地北的人，他们有不同的文化背景，做着不同的工作，在社会上做着不同的角色，甚至在去吴哥窟旅行的时候，我的旅伴是三位来自美国的朋友，后来我过生日时还收到了她们打来的电话，透过话筒唱着四句生日快乐。我坐过许多当地朋友的摩托车，去过全无英文的小村落，在寺庙里静静地驻足望着佛。

禅修时有一个术语叫“止观”，止息一切妄念，观察世间真理。放下心中既定的想法，去看社会中五花八门的人，带入他们的人生情境。如明镜中水影现万象……

另外，一件有趣的事，在旅程的第一天在机场我没有找到行李。担心过后便是镇定，步骤一，在海关报失，留下清楚的信息，并不时追问进度；步骤二，先到住处，买简单生活用品，吃饭，睡觉。没有手机卡的我借当地人的手机找到了当地的朋友，背着一个随身的包，坐着一个18岁女孩的摩托车到了住处。在这之前我最近去过的三个城市是纽约，香港和上海。

带着一个随身的包到了住处的我，突然在想，我真的“拥有”这些东西吗？人生本来就什么都不带来，什么都不带去，我在打包行李时对每样东西的“必要不可”的想法越多，行李箱越重，是自己加在一重重负累，因而失去时便越痛苦。因为对“物”有一种执念，放下执念，便没有失落，像苏轼，放下了对宦海浮沉的执念，便留下了“物与我皆无尽也”的超然天地。

其实除了物之外，另有一种对于“我”的执念，于有些人来讲是更不易察觉、难以根除的，到头来不过是曹雪芹所说的“白茫茫一片大地真干净”。

我想这大概是这座城市赠与我的礼物吧，仿若灵山之上的释迦拈花，迦叶一笑。

The one-and-a-half month living in Cambodia is nothing out of uniqueness. Too much to be touched and to contemplate.

1. Revelation of Buddha

Theravada Buddhism is the Cambodia state region and the faith of 95% of the population. I did:

Wandering in Phnom Penh, accidentally met a monk in the quiet temple
Explored the breath-taking Ankor Wat
Learned Hinduism Mahābhārata and Ramayana; the aesthetics of Angkor Wat
Visiting a temple in the countryside

Slow-paced life there offers more time to think, and naturally feel the inner peace.

Furthermore, admiring the king and queen is more essential in their values. They are proud to say ‘the Kingdom of Kampuchea’.

2. What is travelling?

Travelling is not about rushing to the top-five tourist spots, cramming your Instagram with iconic photos. By means of high engagement into the local society, you can compile a collage of many people, many life.

Case 1: A $150/month-salary worker in the city (80% of the city population)

No English
Hard work
Cheap food: $.25-.5 street food for one dish, one rice.
Mostly from the provinces
Room rent: $30/month; All expenses: $50/month; local teacher salary: $120/month; foreign teacher salary: $500; foreign teacher salary at international schools: $5000

Case 2: A middle-class Cambodia (English-speaker)

For example, an English-speaking tutu driver(motor-driver) can earn $80-140/day; in international neighborhoods. On the contrary, a Khmer-speaking motor-driver charges $3 for 7km drive. [link] soaring prices in Angkor Wat
A domestic worker for an American Christian family is treated like a friend. She were taught how to make western dishes, baking an apple pie, for example. Her daughter can learn English together with the owner’s daughter. She learnt how to swim on the roof top of their apartment building.
A guesthouse owner whose family works for the government, their family members get exposed to people abroad and the teenagers get familiar to the new trends, like selfie and Facebook.
Association with the 1950s-1980s in China: those who have access to the westerners have a wider range of opportunities and broader horizons.

Case 3: The western society

They are like oils on the water, always on the top and experience the best resources.

Trip Advisor can be their guidebook
Places with English translation make up their circle of life
Bar street for them
Generous pay for Khmer services
see their Cambodian as poor and pitiful
some of them are very kind, eg. give out money to children selling postcards or beggars, like Nardos
International Organizations like World Vision [link] Xintiandi in Shanghai; LKF in Hong Kong

Case 4: High-ranked Cambodian government/business elites

Villa(s) with swimming pool and servants
Their own car and car driver(one of the most expensive racing cars is sold to Cambodia)
Membership of expensive clubs [link] Hong Kong club since 1846
Children studying abroad, in London, for example, or studying in $50,000/year international middle schools with foreign teachers whose salary is $5,00/month
Severe corruption issues
For example, a Chinese-and-English speaking Cambodian working for the intelligence department of Cambodia, earns $20,000/month. Although from the provinces, he’s very smart. Now has a Chinese girlfriend whose father works for the Department of Education and uncle plans to expand business in Cambodia. Won several medals. Now having master degree in Zhongshan Univeristy in China.

Case 5: Westerners seeking for a shelter for unbounded behavior

Cheap Cambodian girls for sexual services. For example, a 20-year-old girl & 80-year-old American guy.
Cambodian parents sells their teenager sons/girls for a night, for any services.
Foreign people cheat and live in a guesthouse for a month then fled.
Some committed suicide in the guesthouses of Siem Reap Province.
No passport control or customs inspection when entering Cambodia

3. My life, authenticity.

All high-ranked places in Trip Advisor marked
Taking my tutu everywhere: going to cafes in the 3-hour noon break, horse-riding and swimming in CCC, interviews in a quiet café.
Motor-tours with friends: with Dave and Noah to the lakeside restaurant; with Chin to Kien Svay and on a fishing boat
Western friends: Hannah, Nardos and Saron – Sunday masses, the trip to Angkor Wat, apartment visit, dinner
Dutch traveler, World Vision HR, Embassy officer, Dutch writer,etc.
Wholesome life: say “no” and sleep early
Great to know the life attitudes of Bushang Zhan, a mature university graduate. (The reason why he seems mature is that he has already pondered about those problems that we are wondering; his humorous tone naturally attracts friends.)

I SEE @Cambodia